Parable-Everlight Cake Boss Champions:
The Full Collection (now on VHS!)
Underlined names/words link to something! Click on them! (The one at the start of this note does too!)Also, this isn't our full member list, that would take forever to make. Also, we're aware of how dumb some of these group names are. It's on purpose :]
š Michael
he/they/law/ae
24 ā¢ host ā¢ aspiring sitcom writerš Ryan Krinios
h3/th3y/bro/ae/pog/he/they
21ish ā¢ co-host ā¢ mining absolute craftšļø Noah
he/ā ļø
adult ā¢ gatekeeper ā¢ [slaps roof of system] this bad boy can fit so much fuckin annoying in itš² Jeff
he/they
adult ā¢ protector ā¢ insert funny joke hereš± Pete
he/ghost/dirt/š±/š²/ask
adult/ageless ā¢ being a ghost is a full time job and man do i want a raiseā½ Ted
he/any
adult ā¢ optimist/anxiety holder ā¢ what do axolotls do on vacation? relaxolotl!š Riz
he/him
10-16 ā¢ certified cookie salesman/unlicensed private investigator/The Ballšµ Brad
he/him
adult ā¢ ducktales enjoyer ā¢ capitalism fanš¦ Davey
he/him
early 20s ā¢ trauma holder ā¢ i'll send you photos of cool birds if you want
š§Ŗ Mercury
he/they
adult ā¢ i got fired from
the cdc for a reason /ominousšŖ Blaine
he/him
adult ā¢ protector ā¢ me being a protector is pretty ironic considering th [i am legally not allowed to finish this joke]š Major
he/they
adult ā¢ i guess you could say im majorly cool hahaā Clive
he/him
adult ā¢ protector ā¢ why are all my friends so stupidš„¼ Liv
she/her
adult ā¢ shut up clive youre just as dumb as the rest of usš§¤ Enzo
he/him
adult ā¢ ive never done anything evil ever in my life /believable
š¢š“ Ranboo
he/they
16 ā¢ if someone asks me "how's the weather up there" one more time i swear iāšļø crumb cuptoast
she/it/nya/crumb/they
6teen!! ā¢ hey ranboob hows hte weather up thereš§ Funfetti!!
š/cake/sprinkle/frosting/she/they
teen ā¢ i like drawing and baking and talking 2 my friends!! hey friends if ur reading this u r literally So CoolšÆ Pancake
šÆ/bzz/buzz/he/they
14? 15? ā¢ i amn juzt. a little creacher. i cannot change thizš Arlo
he/him?
15 ā¢ well, rickety biscuit!ā¾ Braden
he/him
16 ā¢ trauma holder ā¢ Probably our most obscure introject, so... that's cool.
(jeff also counts as part of this group but he already has an intro)š„ Abed
film/video/TV/he
adult ā¢ fried chicken mafia boss, filmmaker, and professional fourth wall breakerāļø Annie
she/her
20? ā¢ i havent fronted much i dont have a funny joke to makeš„Æ Britta
she/they
26 ā¢ i pronounce bagel the right way. i lived in new york, i know how bagel is supposed to be pronounced (she says it like "baggle". that's not right -jeff)š¼ Pierce
he/him
this guy's old as hell ā¢ persecutor ā¢ coolest person in the system (real) (true) (its true because i said so)š Frankie
she/her
adult ā¢ CEO of not having executive dysfunction (but also not fronting, so we still don't get anything done)
š Agent Green/Owen
he/him
35? ā¢ sidesystem host ā¢ "Maybe making the mistakes we have makes us uniquely suited to do better in the future." - Me, at some point, I guessš” Joan
she/her
33 ā¢ trauma holder/internal self-helper ā¢ everyone in this system is dumb and i love themā Sam
she/her
26? ā¢ gonna time travel to before you were born and become your dad. hi sonā« Damien
he/him
adult ā¢ damien ā¢ yeah thats it thats my role im just damienš¦ Robbie
he/him
18, maybe 19? ā¢ trying my best ā¢ robbie is short for Robbing Banks /jš¤ Rose
she/her
19 ā¢ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzš Ellie
Any pronouns
30+ ā¢ performing unethical science experiments since 2003!
š Jonah
he/they
28 ā¢ trauma holder ā¢ guest star on hit cooking show Beat Bobby Flay /jāļø Glenn
he/him
adult ā¢ taskdoer ā¢ are we cloud 1? no! are we cloud 2? no! are we cloud 3? nā yeah, you can see where this is going. We're Cloud 9!š Amy
she/her
30 ā¢ no quote because she hasnt ever actually fronted but we sure do know shes hereš Mateo
he/him
28? ā¢ being gay CAN be my personality. fuck you (haha get it... watermelon emoji... because im fruity)š¦ Cheyenne
she/they
18 ā¢ im kind of the definition of "gender envy" nglš¦
Dina
she/it/they
adult ā¢ I don't have a funny joke to put here
š Tom/Tommy/Dev
he/him(?)
adult ā¢ i know how to operate a forklift!šø Andy
šø/he/they/check my carrd for more pronouns!!!!
stream mouse rat on spotifyš§ Leslie
she/ae
adult ā¢ waffles and whipped cream are my favourite things. also parks, and the state of indianaš Benji/Ben
he/him
adult ā¢ i really don't wanna be a frequent fronter but i think it's inevitableš¤ April
it/she
like 23 ā¢ someone will die (of fun! -andy)
š¾ Nathan
he/him
27 ā¢ Emotion holder? ā¢ elon musk haterš Dylan
she/he/they
15-ish?? ā¢ i have all the gender. all of it. i literally stole all the gender in the worldš Uli
he/they
ageless/immortal ā¢ CEO of not knowing how to be a humanš Dan
he/him
adult ā¢ dan dan the rat manš» Coda
Any pronouns
adult ā¢ trauma holder/persecutor ā¢ game design is my prison /refš“ Stanley
he/it/they
adult ā¢ i just wanna press buttons manš« Greendale
it/he
ageless ā¢ emotion holder ā¢ [insert song lyric here]
(members you've probably heard of, but who don't front as much)šŖ Jason/Big Crime
it/crime/he/vibe
21 ā¢ protector ā¢ crime is allowed if your brother is a lawyer. trust me, i know this. my brother is a lawyeršø Toob
he/they
14 ā¢ trauma holder ā¢ base ballš¦“ Charlie Humancicle
goo/he
ageless ā¢ hi i'm a real human boy with many bones! dap me up!š Royal
he/they/š/fox
adult ā¢ my day be so fine,, then boomš¢ Narrator
it/he
ageless ā¢ The cooler Narrator. ā¢ TSP narrator voiceš¬ Narrator 2
he/it
ageless ā¢ actually, i'm the cooler narrator ā¢ arrested development narrator voiceāµ Truman
he/him
adult ā¢ trauma holder ā¢ and in case i don't see you... good afternoon, good evening, and good night!š shawn
he/they
17ish? ā¢ persecutor ā¢ problematic introject rightsš§ø Freddy!
he/him
ageless ā¢ caretaker/protector ā¢ I'm basically the most responsible person in the system.ā³ Paradox
void/time/gem/ā¢/he/spiral/they
20? ā¢ archivist ā¢ insert funny joke about memory loss here
šŗ The News
he/him
adult ā¢ #1 soup fanāØ Portia
she/they
like 24ish ā¢ pizza ball. call that a pizzorbā
The Weatherman
any pronouns
adult ā¢ did you guys know that there's such a thing as snow thunderstorms? it's called thunder snow!š Greg
he/they
adult ā¢ people keep telling me i have "bi wife energy"š» Katie
she/they
adult ā¢ not cody winklebinkš”ļø Loki/Variant L1130
he/it/god/void/any
adult ā¢ the coolest loki variant. also, ceo of a tv network